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What To Do When You are Triggered by Your Spouse

By Susie and Otto Collins, Relationship Coaches

Have you ever been "triggered" or "upset" by your spouse?

Of course you have. We ALL have.

What we've discovered in our many years of learning about relationships and a deeper understanding of ourselves is that when we feel triggered by our spouse or anyone, there's always something there to be learned from the experience if we're open to the lesson.

When any of us are triggered by our spouse or an event, there's the tendency to resist, defend, withdraw and to look outward instead of asking ourselves the question--"What can I learn from this?"

Why would you want to practice answering this question when you're triggered by your spouse?

When you ask "What can I learn from this?" you are shifting from blaming your spouse or the event to taking responsibility for growing from the experience. When you do this, you can move more easily and quickly to reconnecting with him or her--or just feeling better.

We'll explain with a simple example...

Several years ago, Susie was triggered by what several members of a group she was in were saying and doing. Although she had been in the group for many years, she no longer felt connected to them.

She started to "blame" them for her disconnection but then remembered to ask herself "What can I learn from this?"

What she found when she got quiet within herself was that this feeling of disconnection simply meant that she no longer wanted to be a part of this group. It was no longer a match for her and she could use the time doing things that really excited her now.

In her heart, she was grateful for what the group had given to her over the years but it was time to move on.

What does this example have to do with helping you to create more passion, love and connection in your marriage?

Every time you are triggered and you blame your partner, you create disconnection and you are not tapping in to "you."

Every time you ask "What can I learn from this?" and accept that something within you helped to create this trigger.

That's certainly not to blame you but rather to shed some light on your inner thoughts and feelings and to help you to create a great marriage.

It might be that the "trigger" indicates that you need to tell your spouse how you are feeling and what you want.

It might be that the "trigger" indicates that you need to pay attention to "you." You may need to pamper yourself in some way or to give yourself space and time to rest and rejuvenate.

It might be that the "trigger" is a signal that you have some learning and growing to do in some area of your life.

When you pay attention to the triggers, you create a better relationship with yourself and also with your spouse.

We know that each one of you is triggered by something or someone at some time. And when you are, we recommend that you ask yourself this very important question so that you don't create walls between you and the other person.

We invite you to try this simple idea to create more passion, love and connection in your marriage and in your life.


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Contact Info
Relationship Coaches Susie and Otto Collins, PO Box 14544, Columbus, OH 43214
Contact Susie or Otto about Relationship Coaching by calling (614) 568-8282.
For all other inquiries, contact us by email.

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