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Want Romance this Valentine’s Day? Give Presence!

By Susie and Otto Collins

 With Valentine’s Day just around the corner, are you looking for the most romantic present yet? Something that truly expresses how you feel about that special love in your life perhaps? If so, we have a suggestion that just may fit….

 Give presence!

Yes, we said “presence,” not presents.  When it comes down to it, the most stunning bouquet of flowers alongside the most decadent chocolates at a candlelight dinner will not make the impact you want it to if you are not fully present. 

Even if we amp it up a bit, that flawless diamond ring will probably not be received as joyfully if the person giving it is only half-there. 

To enhance romance and connection in your love relationship, make it your intention to be (and stay) as completely present and engaged in the moment you are in. It can really be as simple as it sounds.  It can also be just as challenging as it sounds!

We’ve all been there.  You had a long day doing what you do.  Maybe your boss has been pressuring you to complete a project that has you stuck.  Or, perhaps the kids seemed whiny demanding your attention all day. 

On top of that the car is making a funny sound and you worry about the repair costs.  When you and your partner come together, you both carry along with you residue of all of these (and more) experiences and concerns.

It kind of feels like everything is whizzing about in your brain like fireworks set off in the living room. 

This inner environment is certainly not conducive to romance or even to meaningful communication with your love. 

But there it is: the work project, the kids, the car, and more are still there calling to you.  So how, in the midst of all of these fireworks spinning, popping and cracking in your brain, can you and your love create the romantic, intimate connection you want this Valentine’s Day and every day?

Try these suggestions….

1.)  S-L-O-W Down

Remember the 60’s song encouraging listeners to “slow down, you move too fast”?  Let these words be your guide.  In the face of those fireworks going off, it can feel like there are a million and one things to do and be. 

When it feels like this to you, we recommend you just stop and take a few deep breaths.  Tune in to how you are feeling right now in this moment.  Decide what you want to do right now and then shift your focus to just that.

Multi-tasking might be helpful in the workplace, but it just doesn’t work in a love relationship.  How many conversations have you had with your partner as he or she did the dishes—back to you-- and you took care of another task—back to him or her?  

How easy was it to really feel connected as you talked? It doesn’t matter if you are talking about whom you plan to vote for Election Day or how much you’d like to get away together for an overnight.  Creating moments for fully-present connecting can make all the difference.

Now if you have small children at home, you might think, “Yeah, right. Let my kids walk around in dirty diapers while my wife and I hold hands?” 

It might be that you take care of your children’s needs, and then find something to keep them occupied even for 10 minutes while and your and partner sit down together, look in each other’s eyes and share with one another. 

2.)  Appreciate and Celebrate

You might be wondering what all of this has to do with giving that most romantic Valentine’s Day gift? You may not even live with your love or have children.  Even so, making it a habit to slow down, tune in and shift your attention fully to the one you love—even for short pockets of time—supports and fosters romance. 

Presence is the base from which the aliveness and excitement of romance and passionate intimacy can spring.

As you get better and better at being present with your love, allow yourself to appreciate and celebrate your relationship.  It can be cause to celebrate the fact that you both chose to silence your cell phones during your dinner together. 

You might also choose to appreciate the fact that your partner really seemed engaged listening to you share about a recent phone call with your mother. 

While on the surface they may seem like no big deal, there are so many potential moments for appreciation and celebration every day.  Be on the lookout for them because not only does it feel good to appreciate and celebrate, it also can deepen connection, passion and romance between you and your love.

This Valentine’s Day we suggest that before you visit the florist, the jeweler, or the chocolatier, think of ways you can be more present with your love. 

You might just find presence to be the most romantic gift you give and receive.

Relationship coaches Susie and Otto Collins, authors of "Red Hot Love Relationships," invite you to visit
to learn how you can bring more passion into your relationship.

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Contact Info
Relationship Coaches Susie and Otto Collins, PO Box 14544, Columbus, OH 43214
Contact Susie or Otto about Relationship Coaching by calling (614) 568-8282.
For all other inquiries, contact us by email.

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