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Build More Trust in Your Marriage

 
Building Trust in Your Marriage when You are Triggered
 
By Susie and Otto Collins
 
One of the things that a majority of people find the most challenging about marriage is being able to act from and be in a place of love even when they are triggered and when it's difficult and uncomfortable to do so.
 
Here's what we mean...
 
Some time ago, we visited friends who live about 1 1/2 hours from our home.
 
Because it was late when we left, Susie was tired and she wanted to get home as soon as possible because she had to teach a class this morning.
 
Otto was driving and stopped for gas at convenient mart on the way. When Otto went inside the mart to buy some water and pay for the gas, he also decided to search for something to buy to eat. 

From the car, Susie could see him leisurely walking down each food aisle and she began getting more agitated by the moment.
 
She got out of the car, walked to the mart, opened the door and in a very agitated tone of voice said "Could we go?"
 
What Otto did next was very different from the way he might have reacted in similar situations several years ago.
 
What most likely would have happened in a situation like this several years ago was that he would react from a place of fear, anger and rebellion instead of love, compassion and understanding.
 
Years ago, he might have thought the other person had no right to tell him what to do. He might have reacted negatively, harshly or with anger if he even suspected that another person was trying to tell him what to do or "restrict his freedom."
 
We all have our triggers and predictable patterns when we're upset or angry.  Those just happened to be Otto's. Whatever triggers and predictable patterns you have tend to tear down trust instead of build it up.
 
Years ago, Otto might have ended up lashing out at the other person or becoming silent, distant and cold.
 
What he did this time was different.
 
He initially felt himself react negatively to what Susie was saying to him but then shifted his thinking to his love for her and having compassion for her needs.
 
He quickly made a conscious choice to come from love and not fear, anger or the desire to be right. As a result of his decision, we stayed connected and there was no distance between the two of us. We took a step toward building trust instead of tearing it down.
 
Coming from a place of love can be very challenging when there is a perception that the other person is being critical.
 
It's important to understand that while we are encouraging you to come from a place of love, compassion and understanding as much of the time as possible-- we are not suggesting that if you are
being emotionally or physically abused that you just "take it" and not do anything to help yourself.
 
Setting boundaries and expressing how you are wanting to be treated is important in all relationships.
 
The lesson in all of this is to approach every situation with as much love, kindness and compassion as possible because you have no idea what the other person is going through in the moment.
 
In order to create trust and great relationships, it's important to act from a place of love as much of the time as possible no matter what else is going on.
 
If you think that doing this might be difficult, start by taking baby steps, noticing when you have a better awareness or more positive reaction to things that would normally trigger or upset you.
 
When you find yourself triggered, stop and take a moment to ask yourself "Will this reaction move me closer to or further from the love and connection that I really want with this person?"
 
This simple question may be difficult to do in the heat of the moment but if you practice it, it will become second-nature to you.
 
The more you are able to do this, you'll find that your relationships will be closer, more loving and more connected and your life will be much more rewarding in every way.



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Contact Info
Relationship Coaches Susie and Otto Collins, PO Box 14544, Columbus, OH 43214
Contact Susie or Otto about Relationship Coaching by calling (614) 568-8282.
For all other inquiries, contact us by email.

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