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Parenting Advice Article

 Romance Hints for Busy Parents

By Susie and Otto Collins

If you are a busy parent, you know all too well that it can be a challenge- to say the least- keeping up with the many schedules in your life.  Whether it’s the basketball schedule, school musical schedule, your work schedule, home chore schedule, or even your attempt to exercise schedule—your life is probably filled with places to be and “to dos.” 

So where do passion and romance with your partner come in on those lists? Our guess is, near the bottom if they haven’t slipped completely off the list.

Perhaps sitting down talking with your partner about a topic that isn’t about “who will take Junior to tutoring” or “should we finally have that hole in the ceiling fixed” seems impossible.

And holding hands, long extended kisses, not to mention spontaneous lovemaking may feel like a distant memory.

If reading this feels like a glimpse into your own life, set aside those worries!

It IS possible to regain and renew the passion and romance in your love relationship or marriage-- even if you have kids at home. All it takes is intention, a little creativity, and follow-through. 

Here’s the tale of Romeo and Juliet.  Ok, so their families peacefully worked out their conflicts and the love-struck couple got married, settled down and had kids.  Years later in their marriage all is going fine.  However, in the middle of their busy family life, the intimacy and romance they once shared has faded dramatically.  

After a busy day taking care of the business of making money, caring for children and keeping up with the home, both feel exhausted and just want to zone out. Remembering their earlier days, Romeo may feel resentful and that his needs come last.  And while Juliet also misses the passionate times, she often feels like she just wants a break from being needed. 

Neither Juliet nor Romeo is satisfied with their relationship as it is but they just don’t know how to fit in making the changes they’d enjoy.

These romance hints may just help Romeo and Juliet as well as you and your love…

1.) Decide to Connect

Step out of your busy day, take a moment and ask yourself this question: How important is it to you to intimately connect with your partner? There are no right or wrong answers and you don’t need to worry about how it might happen. 

Really consider this question and let your heart lead you to the answer.

If your answer is that it IS important to you to connect with your love more intimately, more deeply, more often, make it your intention to do just that. Again, don’t worry about how this might fit into your already over-stuffed schedule.

Decide that you will connect passionately and intimately with your partner more than you do now. Just as you might decide that you will make it to the gym twice a week, right now affirm that romance in your love relationship is important and worthy of your attention and energy.

2.) Quality Makes All the Difference

Even if you manage to fit in dates with your mate and regular late-night lovemaking, it’s not going to amp up the passion in your relationship if you and your partner aren’t fully present.  As parents, we tend to get very good at multi-tasking. 

But when it comes to intimately connecting with your love, this will not serve you or your relationship.

If you don’t already have a pool of trusted friends and family you can leave your children with, put one together.  Then, go out together and actually leave your children!

Leave your kids with those trusted caregivers and consciously talk with your love about topics other than the kids, house repairs, bills, or whatever else you usually talk about.  It might be that you and your partner used to share an interest in travel or maybe you were fans of the same rock band. 

If these topics still make you both feel excited, share that.  If your interests have changed, explore new ones that make you both feel alive. You can talk about these interests—new or old-- and even do them together!

It doesn’t really matter what you are connecting about—it is the spark as you are both present and engaged that counts. This also applies to any physical touch and lovemaking.  Do whatever is required to help you be and stay fully present with your partner.

3.) Don’t Forget the Follow-Through

Let’s say that Romeo and Juliet decide that connecting more passionately is important to them both and they act on that decision by taking a romantic weekend get-away.  Now, back home with the kids, they feel alive with love and just glow. 

Here, perhaps, is the trickiest part.  How do they keep that spark going as busy schedules resume?

Our answer is to look for passionate mini-moments.  Lovemaking as they enjoyed during their get-away may not happen every day.  However, Juliet knows that Romeo loves it when she runs her fingers through his hair.  She may take a few moments to do just that as they embrace. 

Romeo is aware that Juliet feels great when he rubs her back in a particular way.  He may gently do this without her asking. Kisses, hugs, little touches in just the right places—all of these can keep intimacy and passion thriving.

Setting aside time for longer connecting time may also help you keep romance alive. A weekly date night with your partner (at home or out) is a possibility. 

Try out different intimate activities during these longer romantic times.  For example, you might give each other sensual foot rubs, share a bath, or make love in a new way.  Be sure to notice the space you are connecting in.  Sharing a bubble bath with your love is just not the same with a stack of diapers and rubber ducks in the corner of the room! 

Replace the everyday artifacts of your life with candles and romantic music to help set the mood for passion.

You and your love may intimately connect in ways that are completely different from those we mentioned.  It’s ok!

The important thing is that you are both fully present and feel alive and excited by the romantic moments you create together. 

Above all, have fun as you allow yourself to be BOTH parent and passionate partner with the one you love. 

Check out more tips for deeper intimacy, connection, and romance in your love relationship. Visit http://www.RedHotLoveRelationships.com

 

 

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Contact Info
Relationship Coaches Susie and Otto Collins, PO Box 14544, Columbus, OH 43214
Contact Susie or Otto about Relationship Coaching by calling (614) 568-8282.
For all other inquiries, contact us by email.

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