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Dealing with Financial Problems in Marriage

Money--A Common Relationship Challenge...

By Susie and Otto Collins, Relationship Coaches
 
Benjamin Franklin once said, "In this world nothing can be said to be certain, except death and taxes."
 
We're guessing that If old Ben Franklin would have been asked about the biggest challenges in relationships and marriages, like a lot of you, he probably would have said that money is one of the biggest "certain" issues that couples fight and argue about.
 
We recently received an interesting question from one of our newsletter subscribers that is about this very sticky relationship issue.
 
Our subscriber writes:
 
"I would like to hear advice on relationships that argue about money. We have been together for two and a half years and I have problems managing my money and he is fed up with it."
 
We absolutely know where this woman is coming from because the two of us have struggled with this issue since we got together.

Not only are we married life partners but also business partners which has compounded the issue!
 
Like many couples, the two of us approach money and dealing with money from totally different perspectives.
 
While we certainly don't want to suggest that we have completely resolved this issue and that it doesn't create challenges for us from time to time, we have learned some things that help us to keep our relationship close, connected, alive and growing, in spite of our vast differences concerning our approaches to money.
 
If you have money issues in your relationship or marriage, here are a few things that we feel could be helpful to any couple with this very common relationship challenge...
 
1. Recognize that opposites generally attract and that it's no accident that you might be together with someone who has radically different ways of dealing with money.

Handling finances is just one area where differences between two people become very apparent -- and irritating.
 
Even though it's tough to realize--these differences help to create the "spark" between two people, especially if they each learn to appreciate these differences.
 
We have the philosophy that we can learn from everything and everyone in our lives--either what we want more of or less of. You can learn quite a lot by the way you each handle finances differently.
 
So we recommend that you look at your differences as an opportunity to grow and not to separate and disconnect the two of you. Take the judgment away and don't make each other wrong.
 
2. Examine how you handle finances, where you learned your style, and what your beliefs are about money. What do each of you value when it comes to money? This is very important for each of you to do this.
 
Susie learned her "saving" style from her parents who grew up during the Depression. She's always saving for a rainy day or that unexpected event that may happen.
 
Otto, on the other hand, learned to spend as he made money. Otto values enjoying his money now.
 
3.  Talk and listen to each other about your differences. It is so important that you understand one another and not make one person wrong and one right.
 
4. Decide what each of you can and want to do to learn from each other.
 
To the person who has problems managing money--What is something that you are willing to start doing that you can learn from your partner?

Maybe it's something as simple as keeping your bills in a special place and marking on your calendar when they are due. Maybe it's getting some help to create a workable budget. Maybe it's beginning to change the way you think and your beliefs about money and finances.
 
Otto learned how to spend within what he brought in and to realistically look at his situation when he wanted to buy something.
 
To the person who is irritated with their partner over the way money is handled--What "strokes" are you getting from being with someone who has problems handling their money?

Are you getting the satisfaction of "being right" or superior? Is there something you can learn from how your partner handles money?

On the surface, you may say an emphatic "NO!" but we're inviting you to look underneath.
 
Susie found that she was getting a great deal of satisfaction from being "superior" about how she handled money verses how Otto handled money.

All this caused was a great deal of disconnection between the two of us until we realized that their isn't any "right way."  Only the way that works for the two of you at any given moment.
 
When she dug a little deeper, she discovered that she could learn a lot about expansion and desire from Otto. When she began to appreciate that aspect of him, our connection deepened even more.
 
Those are some ideas that we have found to be useful around this topic and if this is a challenge in your relationship, we invite you to try out a few of our suggestions.
 
Believe it or not--money differences can be a way to come closer together and not continue to separate the two of you if you will begin to make some shifts in the way you approach this issue.

********************

Relationship coaches Susie and Otto Collins, authors of "Should You Stay or Should You Go?" and "No More Jealousy" are experts at helping people get more of the love they really want. Learn the 5 keys to a closer, more loving relationship, click below for your free 5-part mini-course:
http://www.RelationshipGold.com.

 

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Contact Info
Relationship Coaches Susie and Otto Collins, PO Box 14544, Columbus, OH 43214
Contact Susie or Otto about Relationship Coaching by calling (614) 568-8282.
For all other inquiries, contact us by email.

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