Questions You Need
to Ask Yourself if You Are Considering Whether
to Stay in or Leave Your Marriage
By Susie and Otto
Whether you've been married for 2 years or 20
years, we don't have to tell you that making the
decision to stay in or leave your marriage is
one of the most important decisions you'll ever
both also made this decision ourselves in our
previous marriages, so we know how difficult it
relationship coaching practice and workshops,
we've guided hundreds of people through a
conscious decision-making process of whether to
stay and work to make their marriage better or
whether to leave their relationship with grace.
this article, we're offering several powerful,
thought-provoking questions that you need to
deeply consider if you are in this situation.
invite you to take some time to reflect on these
questions and write out your responses without
censoring or judging them.
your partner is willing and you feel like you
can ask, invite him or her to answer these
questions as well, and then compare your
are trying to make the decision of whether to
stay in or leave your marriage by yourself, your
answers to these questions will give you a lot
of insight into what decision is best for you.
are the most important things you need to
consider in order to make this decision?
You might want to consider housing for you and
your children, financial concerns, health
concerns, or other life circumstances. An
example of this may be: "If I leave (or stay in)
this relationship, I won't be able to attend
college and that is an important goal of mine."
will others be affected if I stay or leave and
can I deal with that?
We never know how others will be affected when
we make a decision of this magnitude. While we
need to consider how this decision will impact
them, the ultimate, conscious choice should be
ours and ours alone.
children are involved, will they be able to see
a better example of love in action if you stay
or if you leave?
Considering how staying in or leaving a marriage
affects the children is usually a major
consideration for anyone in this situation. We
feel that this is an important question to
answer to help you focus on the current and
future welfare of your children.
there any commitments or agreements you will be
breaking if you decide to leave this
relationship and how do you feel about that?
A marriage commitment is an obvious example of
this. Examining your beliefs, including
religious beliefs, about commitments is an
important consideration as you make your way to
important is love to you compared to other
things in your life?
We're asking you to look at your values when you
answer this question. For example: If you are
considering leaving, is having the love you want
more important to you than keeping your current
lifestyle or home?
there any chance the two of you will be able to
heal the issues surrounding this marriage?
Ask yourself if both of you are willing to do
what is necessary to break down the walls and
heal what is happening between the two of you.
How have you changed since you entered into this
marriage and how have your wants, needs, and
desire for what you want in a marriage changed?
an honest look at how you have changed will help
you to see if your partner is the kind of person
you want to be in a relationship with today.
What is the biggest payoff if you were to stay
in this marriage and what is the payoff if you
were to leave?
Honestly considering what you would be getting
out of each of these scenarios will help you to
determine what is right for you.
are considering whether to stay in or leave a
relationship, these questions are a good way to
begin to focus your thoughts.
If you are
interested in delving deeper into this question,
you'll find many more questions, insights and
personal stories in our book Should you stay or
Should you go?
To find out more about this
book visit our web site at