to a Close and Intimate Connection: Lessons from
and Otto Collins
be wondering what your marriage or love
relationship could possibly have to do with a
bunch of cars racing around a circular track at
break neck speeds.
you have no idea what a restrictor plate is, you
can still learn from NASCAR how to keep your
relationship close and intimately connected. And
we're not talking about getting lots of
steps can you help you create and sustain a
close and intimate connection with the love in
your life. And, believe it or not, the lessons
come from observing the NASCAR experience.
In to Stay Tuned Up
that you'll see at least once in every NASCAR
race is the drivers taking a turn into "pit row"
to have their cars refreshed or repaired.
team is required to make quick decisions about
how their car and driver are performing and then
carry out the necessary adjustments efficiently.
Without this tuning in and adjusting, the car
and driver won't be able to perform at their
best back on the track.
be new tires, a fuel up, or the tightening of
particular parts. It goes without saying that
all team members must be tuned into the car and
driver to assess and quickly attend to needs.
relationship to be and stay close and intimately
connected, both members of the "team" (i.e. you
and your partner) need to tune into what your
relationship requires on all levels.
might include your connecting in the bedroom,
how you divide up child care or house chores and
everything in between. When your connection
becomes strained or weakened, acknowledge, talk
about and resolve what's going on as quickly as
Teamwork is Key
are, of course, incidents of mean-spiritedness
and rivalries that occur in the NASCAR world--
even among drivers on the same racing team. At
the same time, you can also observe many moments
of cooperation on the race track.
strategy used during races is when drivers on
the same team tail one another and work together
to block out other drivers.
only one car and driver win the race,
congratulations and appreciation for a race
well-run is frequently showered on team members
and drivers. Recalling the all-important pit
crew, drivers always express their thanks to the
pit crew for all of their hard work.
essential element of a connected partnership is
mutual encouragement and support for one
another. This allows the individuals in the
love relationship or marriage to enjoy
truism "I couldn't have done it without you," is
particularly applicable to intimate
relationships. The love connection, as well as
individual growth, is severely limited when
support for one another is weak or lacking.
appreciation for encouragement and support given
is communicated between partners, the connection
becomes closer and potentially more intimate.
Recovering from a Wreck or Pile Up
tends to draw viewers to the tv screen are the
wrecks and pile ups that undoubtedly happen
during NASCAR races. Nobody wants a driver to be
injured and especially not killed.
however, a certain thrill that also occurs for
some people to watch engineered-for-safety cars
knocking into each other, flipping, and even
catching on fire.
possible that the excitement comes from
witnessing such a horrible spectacle and then
seeing the driver emerge unhurt. Sometimes the
wrecked car and driver come away from pit row
and even get to finish the race!
in our love relationships and marriages come up
just as inevitably as those NASCAR pile ups. It
might be the equivalent of a dented bumper or a
"wreck" so intense that you might feel
aftermath of conflicts-- no matter how mild or
intense-- we usually want to be able to attend
to our hurt feelings and get back up and into
the relationship as quickly and best we can.
Ignored or denied hurt feelings will ultimately
lead to more disconnection.
vital that both partners in the marriage or love
relationship look at the factors that led to the
conflict in the first place. Reconnecting is
possible; but only when each person keeps his or
her heart open and listens within as well as to
what the other person needs to move on from the
three steps are a start to creating and keeping
the connection in your marriage or love
relationship intimate and close. We encourage
you keep your heart open and enjoy the ride!
Otto Collins are Relationship Coaches and
authors who are passionate about helping people
create lives that are filled with more passion,
love and connection. For more tips on rekindling
passion in your love relationship, visit