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How Past Relationship Breakups and Divorces Can Be Affecting Your Current Marriage

By Susie and Otto Collins

Almost all of us have had relationships or marriages that have ended.

Whether ending this relationship was your idea, your partner's or a mutual agreement, the fact is that most of us still carry wounds and unhealed parts of ourselves that keep us from truly opening our hearts to the people most important to us in our lives right now.

As relationship coaches, we've discovered that unresolved pain and issues from past relationship breakups and divorces can certainly cause problems in your current marriage.

The problem that this creates for us in our current relationships and lives lies within this very important question...

The question is:

"How can we have the best relationships possible and open ourselves completely to love if there are still parts of us that need some healing from these past relationships?"

Our answer is--You can't but there are some things you can do to heal from those past relationships.

In order to have the best marriage possible, we've discovered that you have to do whatever it takes to heal the pain of your past instead of simply burying it or pretending that it isn't still there.

But let's back up a little and ask this question...

What sort of pain is showing up in your current marriage that could be happening or influenced by what happened in previous relationships that didn't work out?

This pain can come in my different forms and here are just a few examples...

1. You find yourself jealous for no apparent reason and your current spouse hasn't done anything to deserve it.

2. You find yourself really angry and lashing out at other people and those other people haven't really said or done anything to deserve it.

3. You find yourself withdrawing from your spouse and you don't know why.

4. You find that you mistrust your spouse in many different ways and you keep a part of yourself separate from them.

These are just a few of the ways that we separate ourselves from our loved ones and we usually don't know why we're doing it. This separation tends to take a toll on a new marriage after awhile and we can find ourselves back in the same position of ending the new relationship--once more starting over without any clue as to what went wrong or how to do it.

To borrow a phrase from Oprah, one thing we know for sure is that if this is a pattern for you, take this opportunity to begin healing from your past relationships that ended.

Even if you haven't been in several past relationships but you find that you and your partner seem to keep doing the same thing over and over with the same result--which doesn't feel good to either of you--then looking into healing your past may lead you to a better relationship.

So how do you start?

You start by beginning to recognize your patterns and realize that you can change. If you'd like specific information on how to begin doing this, we've written a free mini-course that we offer that can get you started toward making those changes in your life.

Remember, your marriage can change for the better and we invite you to open your heart to making that happen!


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Contact Info
Relationship Coaches Susie and Otto Collins, PO Box 14544, Columbus, OH 43214
Contact Susie or Otto about Relationship Coaching by calling (614) 568-8282.
For all other inquiries, contact us by email.

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