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Communication Advice Article

How Deciding Whether It's a 'Yuck' or 'Yum' Can Help Your Marriage
 By Susie and Otto Collins, Relationship Coaches
The other day, a friend told Otto about a novel by Tom Robbins called Still Life With Woodpecker. 

This quote from the book--

"There are two mantras in life: Yuck and yum. Mine is Yum"--caught our attention because it says so much about relationships.
Robbins' quote is such a succinct way of saying what we end up teaching in almost every book, course, seminar and coaching session to help people recognize what they are feeling and communicate better with each other.
Here's what we mean...
If you want a marriage that truly works, at every step of the way you decide what you don't want, decide what you do want and remove the obstacles to having what you want.
To use the Tom Robbins quote-- It's either a "yuck" or a "yum."
You might be saying "Well that sounds good but in the real world, it's just not that simple."
Of course it's not that simple or everyone would be living the lives and marriages that they want--and a lot of people aren't.
What we know is that when we empower ourselves to make choices in our lives and our marriages from the point of view of this is a "yum" and I want more of it, we are happier and there is a sense of ease and flow.
Our advice to you is to figure out what makes you go "yum."
Your next question to us might be--"What if my 'yum' clashes with my spouse's, my co-worker's, or my family's 'yum?'"
Good question and here's our take on that...
If you ignore what your inner guidance is telling you that your "yum" is to satisfy the needs of someone else, you are putting up walls that will keep you from the intimacy and connection that you may be trying to have with that person or in your life.
Does that mean that you ignore and violate commitments that you've made to others? Does it mean that you go ahead and have that affair or internet relationship or even eat the entire chocolate
cake because it's a "yum" for you?
We say no, and here's why...
If this is the case with your "yum," we suggest that you first address the commitment to the other person or to yourself that you are wanting to ignore or violate.

If you don't, the chances are slim that your "yum" will continue to be what you really want.
You need to ask yourself if this "yum" is covering up a need or concern that should be addressed and if this "yum" is for your highest good in the long-run. Is this "yum" likely to turn into a "yuck" sooner or later?
As Joseph Campbell said, "Follow your bliss." We would add--Follow your bliss in an empowering way that is authentic and above-board with the people in your life.
That certainly doesn't mean that you have to always get your way above everyone else.

What we've discovered is that when we are authentic and speak and act from that place of authenticity, our lives and marriages have a way of working out for the best for all concerned.
Can you encourage more "yum" in your life?
Of course you can!
One of our coaching clients told us that she noticed that her husband hadn't been wearing his wedding ring for the past few weeks and she was worried that he was having an affair.

In the past, when things like this came between the two of them, our client would allow fear to paralyze her and then all of a sudden, she would find that she was in a rage about the least insignificant thing.
What she did this time was different.
She asked him about his ring without accusing him of anything. Because of his past experience with her rages, he told her he didn't know.

She asked him again and finally he told her that he had stopped wearing his ring because he hadn't known how committed she was to their marriage.
She didn't get upset by what he told her as she might have done in the past. She calmly reassured him that she was very committed to their marriage--more than she ever had been.
What started out as a potentially "yuck" situation turned into a healing "yum" because both people let their guard down and were authentic with one another. In this situation, they both moved toward what they wanted more of.
Know that you can have more of what you want in your life and your marriage. You can make choices that will bring you closer to what you want rather than take you further away from them.
The choice is up to you!


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Contact Info
Relationship Coaches Susie and Otto Collins, PO Box 14544, Columbus, OH 43214
Contact Susie or Otto about Relationship Coaching by calling (614) 568-8282.
For all other inquiries, contact us by email.

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