Whether It's a 'Yuck' or 'Yum' Can Help Your
By Susie and Otto Collins,
The other day, a friend told
Otto about a novel by Tom Robbins called Still Life
This quote from the book--
"There are two mantras in
life: Yuck and yum. Mine is Yum"--caught our
attention because it says so much about
Robbins' quote is such a
succinct way of saying what we end up teaching in
almost every book, course, seminar and coaching
session to help people recognize what they are
feeling and communicate better with each other.
Here's what we mean...
If you want a marriage that
truly works, at every step of the way you decide
what you don't want, decide what you do want and
remove the obstacles to having what you want.
To use the Tom Robbins quote--
It's either a "yuck" or a "yum."
You might be saying "Well that
sounds good but in the real world, it's just not
Of course it's not that simple
or everyone would be living the lives and marriages
that they want--and a lot of people aren't.
What we know is that when we
empower ourselves to make choices in our lives and
our marriages from the point of view of this is a
"yum" and I want more of it, we are happier and
there is a sense of ease and flow.
Our advice to you is to figure
out what makes you go "yum."
Your next question to us might
be--"What if my 'yum' clashes with my spouse's, my
co-worker's, or my family's 'yum?'"
Good question and here's our
take on that...
If you ignore what your inner
guidance is telling you that your "yum" is to
satisfy the needs of someone else, you are putting
up walls that will keep you from the intimacy and
connection that you may be trying to have with that
person or in your life.
Does that mean that you ignore
and violate commitments that you've made to others?
Does it mean that you go ahead and have that affair
or internet relationship or even eat the entire
cake because it's a "yum"
We say no, and here's why...
If this is the case with your
"yum," we suggest that you first address the
commitment to the other person or to yourself that
you are wanting to ignore or violate.
If you don't,
the chances are slim that your "yum" will continue
to be what you really want.
You need to ask yourself if
this "yum" is covering up a need or concern that
should be addressed and if this "yum" is for your
highest good in the long-run. Is this "yum" likely
to turn into a "yuck" sooner or later?
As Joseph Campbell said,
"Follow your bliss." We would add--Follow your bliss
in an empowering way that is authentic and
above-board with the people in your life.
That certainly doesn't mean
that you have to always get your way above everyone
What we've discovered is that when we are
authentic and speak and act from that place of
authenticity, our lives and marriages have a way of
working out for the best for all concerned.
Can you encourage more "yum" in
Of course you can!
One of our coaching clients
told us that she noticed that her husband hadn't
been wearing his wedding ring for the past few weeks
and she was worried that he was having an affair.
the past, when things like this came between the two
of them, our client would allow fear to paralyze her
and then all of a sudden, she would find that she
was in a rage about the least insignificant thing.
What she did this time was
She asked him about his ring
without accusing him of anything. Because of his
past experience with her rages, he told her he
She asked him again and finally he told
her that he had stopped wearing his ring because he
hadn't known how committed she was to their
She didn't get upset by what he
told her as she might have done in the past. She
calmly reassured him that she was very committed to
their marriage--more than she ever had been.
What started out as a
potentially "yuck" situation turned into a healing
"yum" because both people let their guard down and
were authentic with one another. In this situation,
they both moved toward what they wanted more of.
Know that you can have more of
what you want in your life and your marriage. You
can make choices that will bring you closer to what
you want rather than take you further away from
The choice is up to you!