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Surviving Affairs and
The Seven Emotional Trials the
Cheater Will Face
Once the affair is out
in the open, there are seven emotions that you will
undoubtedly grapple with. What follows is a brief discussion
of each of them.
Emotional Trial #1:
If you have been
cheating on your partner, it is likely you have been
struggling with guilt for some time. For most people who
engage in affairs, the sense of guilt begins well before the
injured partner learns about the affair. It may be that you
have been coping with guilt since you initially had thoughts
of taking that first step over the line of propriety.Guilt
comes up for the cheater for a number of reasons. If you
have established a set of rules for yourself about being
faithful to your partner and your relationship, then having
an affair is bound to make you feel guilty. The most obvious
is that you are betraying the trust of another person whom
you care about very deeply. This in itself generates a great
deal of guilt.
Emotional Trial #2:
Shame goes hand-in-hand
with guilt; however, they are distinct in a number of ways.
While guilt is a way that your unconscious helps you judge
your own actions against your personal beliefs about right
and wrong, shame is predicated on expectations that we have
about our social environment. Shame is the disgrace you feel
in front of others Ė people in your real life, people from
your past (in your imagination), or imagined ďothersĒ Ė when
you have engaged in an act that is seen as unacceptable.
There are many things to feel ashamed about when you have
cheated on your partner.
Emotional Trial #3:
If you feel afraid of
losing the person you love and the life youíve worked so
hard to build, there is no wonder as to why. This, also, is
a natural feeling for someone who has committed infidelity.
This is a well-founded, rational fear. However, I hope that
with the help of this book and your commitment and
follow-through to do the hard work required that your fear
will prove to be one that is unwarranted.
Emotional Trial #4:
Anger is as natural a
feeling for the cheater as it is for the injured.You are
likely angry with yourself for having gotten involved in an
affair to begin with. Whatís more, you may be angry at
yourself for having the emotional responses to the affair
that you do. You may feel like you donít deserve to have
these feelings, and this gets turned into anger.
Emotional Trial #5:
You are probably
worried that your relationship is damaged beyond repair. If
you are trying to rebuild your relationship and you feel
like it is damaged beyond repair, you are likely to feel
hopeless.When you experience hopelessness, take heart. Look
for the small improvements that you see day-by-day in the
relationship. Use the program in this book, and move forward
to a better-than-ever relationship. If you donít, you wonít
ever get there. Small steps add up to large improvements.
Emotional Trial #6:
You could reach a place
where you feel as though you can never be forgiven. This
worry often extends beyond the need for forgiveness from
your partner. Some people feel as though they canít be
forgiven long after their partner has already forgiven them.
Be compassionate with yourself. You are human after all. If
you donít, your relationship will feel the brunt of it.
Emotional Trial #7:
Being the cheater in a
relationship that you are trying to repair can be a very
lonely place to be. At this point your partner might not be
engaged in your relationship in an emotionally supportive
way. As such, it is likely that you are feeling pretty
emotionally disconnected from your partner right now. That
kind of emotional isolation can be hard to cope with,
particularly when you are maintaining the secret of your
Be mindful of whom you
choose to talk to. Make sure that they will be able to
listen to you compassionately without holding long-term
grudges against your partner.
to Restore the Trust After An Affair - FREE
"I'll show you how to end
the pain, restore the trust,
ask the tough questions, and
most importantly, determine
exactly how your marriage or
relationship can be saved
after an affair
AND how likely it is that an
affair will happen again
(and what you can do right
now to prevent it)..."
Download this FREE new 7-step email course
from Dr. Frank Gunzburg and start learning
today how to restore the trust back into
How to start the healing process after
How to cope with initial trauma of the
How to take control of your emotions and
How to get the images out of your mind
How to talk about the details of the
Why the affair happened and how to
prevent it from happening again
Steps for restoring the trust back into
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Dr. Frank Gunzburg is a licensed counselor in
Maryland and has been specializing is helping
couples restore their marriage for over 30 years. He
is also the author of How to Survive an Affair, a
step-by-step healing system that can help a couple
repair their relationship after it has been
shattered from an affair.
If your relationship has been damaged by an affair
and you would like a step-by-step system for
repairing your relationship, then please visit Dr.
Gunzburg's site for more information:
This article was used by permission from
How to Survive An Affair:
The Seven Emotional Trials the Cheater Will Face
How to Tell If Your Man's a Cheating Liar
Relationship Trust Turnaround
Magic Relationship Words